My depression after my daughters suicide

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I found my dead daughter while I was in the shower, by looking out the window to see her laying there in my backyard.

Let me tell you all that are planning to kill yourself, what the AFTER
effects on your loved ones will be. Bear with me, it will take a long
while to type this all out, as I can't hardly think or concentrate
anymore and it is definitely hard to see the screen between all the
tears that won't stop.

During that week (and afterwards), I have had to take showers in my Mothers shower at her house, as I can't stand to be in my own shower anymore. Even though we put up a heavy curtain on
that window, just so I could stand to go in there to use the bathroom.

I can't sleep and I can't eat. All I see in my mind constantly is my
beautiful dead daughter's body laying out there all bloody and
white and cold looking.

I can't go into any stores now, cause I completely lose it whenever I see any of her favorite foods. I find myself wanting to call her whenever I see some clothes that she might like, and then break down when I remember that I can't.

I cry constantly and just Have to make myself do anything. My house
is a wreck, my mind is a wreck, and my spirit and heart is forever
broken. I will never recover from this. All I can do is think about
her every moment. I can't walk into her room even though it has been
nearly 5 months now. It is just like she left it. She left no note, as
the police went in there to look.

I have so much guilt. I am on all sorts of medications and have to see a psychiatrist once a month. I want my daughter back! I have lost 1/2 of ME when I lost her!

I can't bear the thought of NEVER seeing her again! She had so much to live for. Thanksgiving and Christmas was a nightmare. I will never enjoy any holidays ever again. We have the "suicide plague".

I am scared. What if I die and this baby is all alone. What will happen to him. Worse yet, will he end up doing the same thing one day?



Tags:	medicines, heart-broken, suicide, depression

Posted By:

HeartBrokenMoma

Posted Yesterday

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