Why I Went Back Again

(2)

(1)

Add Your Vote

When I was a kid, I was hospitalized a lot, in psychiatric hospitals. They things I'd seen and the people I've met scared me more than I had ever been scared before. Doctor after doctor said that there was nothing they could do, that I'd be sick forever and would never lead a normal life. So I became afraid of medicaiton and treatment, so afraid that I stayed far away from any kind of psychiatric medication or therapy. Even natural therapies--I didn't want anything to do with them.
But when I turned 18 decided to stop abusing alcohol, I went through a horrible withdrawal and became symtomatic again. My hands tremored and my heart raced. I coun't handle the anxiety attatcks--the tightness in my chest, the paranoia, the delusions and fear. Going back to the hospital shook me inside and out because I'd managed to stay away for over three years. But through those three years, I suffererd flashbacks and panic attacks, which led me to then being to overuse alcohol to help cope with my symptoms.
When I arrived, I was so rattled that I would accept no treatment or talk to no one. I stayed alone and cried or panicked, craving alcohol or drugs and wishing that I could get out of my head and be a functioning part of the world.
That couldn't happen without me having to give in and, despite my fear, be willing and receptive to SOME kind of help that was being offered, no matter how distrusting I was and how frightened. So tiny step by tiny step, it began, within the walls of this new hospital. I took my medication and needed to try many different drugs.
They send me home. And for one day, I was fine.
But having to return the day after I was discharged was just the blessing that I needed. It was humiliating and infuruated me, but it needed to happen. So I tried one more kind of drug.
And it worked. It worked so well I could hold and job and smile and enjoy being alive. My fear melted away because of it. And I was free, really, really free and happy...



Tags:	trauma, fear

Posted By:

vicvic

Posted 4 Years, 11 months, 2 Weeks, 4 days ago

Personal Story

All Votes: 3

Bookmark

Report abuse

Comments (2) | Who voted on this story (3) | Email this story

UnitedProject.org Inc. (c) 2006-2010 All content published on UnitedProject.org is provided for informational purposes only and is not meant to substitute for the advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by your physician or other healthcare professionals. If you think you are experiencing a medical problem or an emergency please contact your physician, local emergency room or call 911. Healthcare benefits and discounts are not insurance and not intended as a substitute for health insurance. Except when other source is cited, all content posted by members is licensed under Creative Commons Public Domain License.

This site complies with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health information:
verify here.

Site last updated 02/10/12 - loaded in 0.1847 seconds

Website and Case Management Software powered by Paas Cloud Computing Platform