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A New Year's surprise |
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The alarm clock rings from across the room. I pause before opening my eyes just as I have every morning for the past 3 years. In that pause, I re-orient myself to the changes I’ll find when I do open my eyes and start the day. The “old” me flashes by: Masters in Education, science teacher, 4 wonderful children, a successful small business owner, 5 years as a successful Realtor. Then the picture changes: separation from my husband, a real estate market that plummets, a $2.2 million land project I had worked on for 18 months falls through – with a $60,000 loss of commission for me. I start juggling funds to make ends meet, working harder, cutting myself off from friends and family to not expose the “failure” I was becoming. And the medical problems began: twisting my ankle and ending up with CRPS (permanent nerve damage), my lymph node scare, the panic attacks, anti-depressants. And finally, no longer able to manage the stress, I declaried bankruptcy 2 months ago, losing my home, my self esteem. But I was lucky, I still had health insurance. We were legally separated, not divorced and I paid half the family premium so my coverage was essentially free. Free until yesterday, Dec 27 when the divorce decree arrived in my mailbox with no warning. Now when I wake on Jan 1, I will no longer have any health insurance. Just one more rug pulled out from under me…there really can’t be many more to go. Please, please, please.
But the alarm is still buzzing. I pull the “new” me out of bed, turn off the alarm, head for the bathroom, glance in the mirror and marvel at how old the “new” me seems to have become. I ready for the day, climb into my 1991 Volvo and whisper a prayer to no one really – it freezes in the air – that the day will go by uneventfully: no flat tire, no migraines, no panic. I am already calming down – anti-depressants at work. I am thankful, and in my thankfulness lies the fear of how I will manage without. Here's to finding out. Cheers! |
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Reenester |
8 months, 1 Week, 2 days, 5 hours, 22 minutes ago |
Personal Story |
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All Votes: 2 |
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