Bipolar Disorder

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I was diagnosed 11 years ago with Bipolar Disorder. I was young and unable to accept my illness. I spent the next few years on and off medication that did not work, or did but made me gain weight. I eventually ignored the demons inside and choose to live a life outside of conventional guidelines. Think of everything you do not want your child to do and I was doing it. I maintained my professional job but in my spare time i used drugs, cut, eating disorder, random sex, I was completely out of control. Then I meet my husband and we dated for a few months got engaged and then I got pregnant. At that moment my life changed. I had a rough childhood and did not want to turn into the abusive person I know I could be to my child. I quite the drugs and all other bad habits like cold turkey. I then decided to accept my illness and the life I would have and went to a Doctor. It is the best thing that could have happened to me. I was diagnosed not only with bipolar but also borderline personality disorder. I got on medication and prepared for my little girl. Since her birth I try to be the mother that she deserves. I have tried and been one almost every drug out there. I have taken numerous antisycotics and depressants to control my illness. Some months are better then other. 1 year ago my husband lost his insurance. we managed to get the kids on CHIPS but that left me with nothing. Worse then the fact that I would have to pay the monthly visit to my doctor I could no longer afford the medicine that I was taking. Between the 3 medicines I regularly took the cost were a little over $1,000 a month. yes you heard me right $1000.00 a month. Since then I have been put on medicine that is cheap (does not mean it is not as good) but they are not as effective on me. I have see the worse lows and depression points in the last year then ever. I have left my husband, resorted back to bad habits, had thoughts of suicide, and almost destroyed my marriage. I just want to be well again happy



Tags:	borderline-personalty-disorder

Posted By:

mybunny

Posted 4 Years, 8 months, 2 days ago

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