contintued on my all time low 5

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What doesn’t help a darn thing is, I DO NOT HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE!!! So I made sure that was clear to the ‘new’ doctor and that I can’t afford multiple visits since I can’t work in the state of mind I’m in. So I don’t know.

I’m scared to death that I’m going to go ‘manic’ again after this new med change. However, I have tried to get off antidepressants countless times in the past, only to end up a blithering idiot back at the doctors office 2-3 weeks later (maybe more), begging for help. Then, back to the same old routine, absolutely AWESOME for a while (manic) then hitting rock bottom (depression) then repeat. I’m sure there is some normal times in my life, somewhere, some time. But for now my future looks horrible.

I don’t know what I want to get across from posting this. Maybe it’s a vent, maybe it’s a private (well now public) therapy. I don’t know. Maybe I want advice, but I’m not sure what about. I just feel absolutely hopeless right now, and feel as though I have no where to go, no way to get there, and I just want, more than anything else, to FEEL again. I cannot think clearly right now, can’t focus. I feel like a puppet in someone elses horrible rendition of my life. Like I have NO control, no future. Again, I’m no longer suicidal (seem to be past that).

I clearly need help, I have tried to get it. Tried first to get it at a local community action program which supposedly goes on income, and well….I couldn’t afford the ‘first’ appointment. So, that’s when I decided I need to find a new doctor. Found one that was suggested by the nurse at my old doctors and tried to get help.
He seemed concerned, and I know he’s ‘conservative’ in treatment. But why haven’t I heard back from him? I can’t afford to make another appointment to see someone else. I am NOT religious, so talking to a pastor is out.

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phoenix1971

1 Year, 1 month, 1 Week, 2 days, 16 hours, 31 minutes ago

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