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My all time low |
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I have been through countless jobs since becoming a nurse. Each one ending up in disaster. Nothing life threatening (for the patients anyway) or license threatening. Yet I find myself repeatedly in the same situation. Feeling out of control, out of my realm, that others are insane, that the workload is crazy, that .... heck everyone else is a problem.
Suddenly, most recently, I had a mind-blowing discovery about myself. Well, I shouldn't say suddenly, it was coming on for months, yet I still didn't recognize it, nor made any move to correct it.
One word. DEPRESSION.
It hit me like a freight train about a month or so ago. I didn't get out of bed for 3 days, ended up having an ulcer, getting treated for said ulcer, quitting yet another job, and getting yet another one.
The most recent one had me out of the house the entire time my family was home.
Now, suffice it to say, I have been clinically depressed for 13 years now. Went through several medications (antidepressants) and after a couple of years on each, they just seem to quit working, and I go into a major depression, get into the doctor, get meds changed, and go on with life. Great scenerio, it worked for 13 years, so whats changed now?
I went into work last week Wednesday, in my scrubs with a statement typed up of problems I was having on orientation on my new job. Lack of 'actual' orientation. In all honesty, I have done that same exact thing in half the jobs I quit. I have built up a reputation for myself in my area, which makes it extremely hard to find a job.
In either case, went into work last wed with note in hand, and had a complete meltdown trying to talk to my DON. I said, "I think I need to get my head together, I'll call you next week" only briefly talking about |
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phoenix1971 |
1 Year, 4 days, 4 hours ago |
Personal Story |
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All Votes: 1 |
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