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Hope okirishchik reads this. Was married for about 6 months, wife 3 months pregnant and was sent to Viet Nam in Oct. 1965. My daughter was born April 1966 and 2 weeks later something happened over there that messed me up bad. I came home to an empty home. She had found someone new and divorce papers on the table waiting for me. A year later child was adopted, my fault didn't pay child support, chip on my shoulder. Have been depressed with panic attacks since Nam and I have tried to handle it by myself. After the 3rd suicide attempt in 94 I went to the VA hosp and got professional help. I had dug myself into a hole so deep I couldn't see the light at the top.The mind had turned against me and tore me down no matter what I did. Finally met my daughter in2005 but she doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. Now have a 1yr old granddaughter that I'll never see. Been married/divorced 4 times and only have the one child. Depressed? Even with pills? You better believe it. Dad died in99 leaving a diabetic now 82 mother all alone. Moved in with her, paying the bills so she doesn't have to move into a care facility. Younger brother died in '05. At times I want to go to the mountains and dismiss my spirit. No one to talk to so to get it off my chest and out of my head I write it down as poems. Nothing great. If it wasn't for the Doctors, PILLS and the poems I don't think I'd be here. To deal with the panic attacks I go to Wally World at 7am when everyone else is still asleep. I wish I could've swallowed my pride in the 1960's and seeked help. Maybe my life would have been better and not wasted. So young ones, the heck with what friends think. Get the help that is out there and don't waste the better part of your life like I did. Some where under all that torment is a beautiful mind and person waiting to surface.

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lonely old camper

1 Year, 5 months, 3 days, 14 hours, 32 minutes ago

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